Is She or Isn't She?

Taylor Fallon, Alpha Female explores the warning signs and character flaws that may indicate that your dream Domme isn’t all that.

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Exactly what is it that makes a truly Dominant Woman so special? What sets Her apart from the glut of posers and copycats and ultimately defines Her Dominance? Is it the ways She looks? What She wears? A provocative outward appearance certainly contributes to Her allure, but such a desirable visual is not in itself too difficult to emulate (especially with the current popularity of fetish-styled clothes). With all the wannabes and fashion victims out there, how does one see beyond the smoke, mirrors and pretty pictures and determine if your dream Mistress is an honest-to-Goddess Dominant Woman? We all have a mental image of the many things a Dominatrix is supposed to be. Perhaps it is easier to consider what is missing from this equation, then, that reveals the most about Her true nature. So pay attention, do your research and maybe you will find yourself at the service (and mercy) of a genuinely Dominant Woman. Whenever a so-called mistress exhibits the following traits, although she may not represent, W/we are all slightly diminished.

· She is NOT a hooker with a $2.00 riding crop A real Dominant Woman understands that Professional Domination is not prostitution. She never engages in sexual activity in session. Never. Period. So don’t ask. She has trained extensively to gain the knowledge She possesses and is never less than competent. When asked politely, She will gladly list Her training and experience and is not afraid to share Her BDSM knowledge with others. She has (or has access to) an extensive assortment of BDSM equipment, toys and a beautiful fetish wardrobe (expensive leather and latex, not cheap plastic) which She is continually adding to. She puts most, if not all of Her monetary tributes into this collection and towards the upkeep of Her playspace. It is not about the money, but the lifestyle.

· She is NEVER out of control Acting with great restraint (pun intended), the true Domina never flies of the handle or lashes out in uncontrolled anger. She understands that the Goddess cannot always ensure that everything goes Her way and will instead, harness that energy to be used to positively. She may appreciate a glass of fine wine on occasion, but is never inebriated or under the influence of chemicals while in the dungeon and requires the same of Her supplicants.

·She is NEVER less than confident, but She is NOT a total bitch The genuine Domme conducts Herself with supreme confidence at all times. Although everyone has a bad hair day now and then (luckily, I rarely do), She is not preoccupied with Her looks nor does She solicit compliments ala “Do these latex pants make my ass look big?” to bolster Her ego. She knows that the Goddess created Women to be both beautiful and strong and will never use the power She possesses for detriment. She may be aggressive and demanding, but is far from a constant bitch. She commands any room She enters without uttering a word and can melt your heart (or shrivel your dick) with a simple glance. Again, She is not afraid to share Her knowledge and training with others, as what She possesses is truly unique and inimitable.


· She is NOT negative and avoids those who are. She refrains from participating in gossip, propagating rumors or speaking poorly of clients, colleagues or subs and is aware that such talk does not facilitate progress. When She has nothing nice to say, She keeps it to Herself including what She hears and utilizes a high degree of discretion in all Her activities. She understands that greed, envy and jealously are ugly and wasteful companions as they only lead to hatred and moral bankruptcy. She rarely passes judgment on others and although She may enjoy the spotlight, She allows others the opportunity to shine. She does not lie and will not make promises She cannot keep. She is certain that life is too short to waste on such negativity and teaches Her subs this same lesson.

·She is NOT submissive Although switching on occasion is not a crime, a submissive woman who presents herself as a professional lifestyle Dominant is doing a disservice to A/all. I suppose I will get shit for this, but I believe it to be completely true. In this free Country, people can make a living anyway they choose, but since a Dominant Woman never discusses Her Personal relationships in the dungeon, it should not be a convenient excuse for deception. There are quite a few reputable Dommes who went submissive as an early part of their training as well as many talented professional switches. But when a sub advertises to potential clients that they could be their fantasy Mistress or Dominant Owner, they are setting them up for a huge letdown as the relationship can only go so far. If you are property yourself, how can you ever truly own another? To genuinely Dominant Women, it’s not about perception, image or money, but the reality of it all.

·She does NOT hate Men (or women) An authentically Dominant Woman has a soft spot in Her heart for the submissive male. How could She possibly stand to spend so much time behind closed doors training him to do Her bidding? But the man-hater is subversive and insidious. We have all met her or someone like her. This creature is an insult to all bona fide Dominant Women. She possesses all the flaws listed herein and is vicious, nasty in her thinking and paranoid. She found her way into the scene because she likes the clothes and despises males and now believes her own hype. So irreparably damaged, she wishes great harm upon all men and will go to any lengths to get what she wants. She can’t get along with most women or her colleagues, never has anything positive to say and jealously refuses to share what little knowledge she has. She constantly self-promotes in order to gain “credibility” and to manipulate unwitting submissive males (and others) into her clutches. She disregards boundaries and safe words, refuses to negotiate anything other than the type of session she chooses and displays little competence or ability. She ridicules and humiliates those whom she cannot control against their wishes and spreads hurtful gossip about clients, submissives and peers. As with many things poisonous, she is disturbingly alluring. If you come across this succubus, the only advice I can give you is to run far away, very far away as lack of attention is her kryptonite. Told you to do your research…

- Taylor Fallon, Alpha Female